Sunday, Bloody Sunday

I have found this really awesome thing on Break.com. I mean other than the many other awesome things. It’s a bush remix of U2’s Sunday, Bloody Sunday.

Sounds great.

This is about the only great thing the man has ever done, even though it was not he who made it.

Pain of Loss

On the night of the 9th, a Tuesday I lost something to me that was very beloved. I have never had to endure such a thing before. Not like this. I feel so lost and empty. I keep thinking back to the time prior to when all was well, I cant believe that was only a week past. It happened so fast, I did not have time to prepare myself. I was in denial most of the time, and up to the last moment I still could not believe. At least he went well, if you can say that there is a “well” way to die. I guess it was better that he went so quick, for him.
It has not stopped raining since he left. I thank the mother for her understanding to my pain. Rain always sooths me. Its very calming, to my soul. I find it a tranquil place to think. For I am still resentful and bitter about his demise.
I have learned my lesson dearly, only the wealthy may have pets. The people who can afford to spend huge amounts, amounts that don’t keep them from noticing what bills they can not pay that month. Only those persons can have little furry bundles of love, being to keep them from feeling lonely.
I will always cherish my baby Gambit. Even though we only had him for such a short time, we loved him. He was so happy and free. He was like my little tiger. I hope he is in a better place now.

Books = Happiness

I have found the site that will lead me to my happiness. At least some of it. When I was in middle school (Niu Valley) I worked in the library for a year, because of this I got to see the mature book area. In this area there were a set of ‘books’. Also known is comics. They were called ‘Elf Quest’. They are called Elf Quest. The library had books 1-9, I read them All at least 3 times each. That was 10 years ago.

Today I have books 1-5 and I have been having trouble finding the rest. It least the original colour books. But last night I found a site, I can't believe I never found it before, I don’t know why. I can't tell you why, I feel stupid for not finding it before. This site will give me the rest and the new stories. They should have the books I need.

The other matter is that there are books I Want. Me, being the book lover I am, I have this strong urge to find the first editions. Or maybe not so new, just not the stuff they are printing today. Lets say the books pre-DC, when they were strait Warp Graphics.
I am now on the look out for book 6, 7, 8, and 9. There are a lot more now and I will work on those later.

Ice Cream Baby!!!

I am going to cut the sugar dependency. I cant stand it any more. I don’t want to crave any thing ever again. This is not who I am, I am a strong person, I can handle it.
As a joke I was thinking about substitution one addiction for another, so I thought it would be amusing to start smoking. But I just can't see myself doing such a disgusting thing. I mean being overweight is pretty repellent, but what hurts/kills more, smells or sight, your lungs or your heart? So I am thinking, maybe over working, or running myself silly. I could just stop eating all together.

I AM Joking people.

If you have never been addicted to something then you can never understand. And if you want to say that sugar is not an addiction then you have never been addicted to any thing.
I want to blame all my problems on sugar. It has made me depressed and angry. And yet I find that I just don’t want to live without it. I feel so alone with this problem, and yet over a third of america has this problem. (correct me if I am wrong there)

All I can think of most of the time is when can I gush over to my favorite ice cream place for a $1.43 cone that tastes like I am eating creamy white heaven.

I have to stop this thing. I cant be who I want to be like this. I have to change.

Change is a good thing. I will embrace it, it will strengthen me.

So be it. Blessed Be.

Holy Cow Gonzo!!!

I just saw the scariest, crazies, funniest thing in my whole life. I was going a google search and I came up with the idea of looking up “why are the Christians crazy”. I got to page 6 and
found This. I don’t know if I should have stopped at page 5 because now I think I might have nightmares. Holy Cow.

Pun intended.

I had to watch it a few times just to see if this was really real. I am really blown away, I don’t know what to say, please let me know what you think.
I guess all I can say right now is. WOW.

Purple Balloons

I want a whole bunch of purple balloons. I want to put all my dreams in the purple balloons and let them fly away because that’s how I feel about my dreams. That if I ever let them go, they will go far away. But I just want to give them up. Because I know that no matter how hard to try to touch them, they will always be out of my reach. It’s like they are tied to the back of my wrist, and my other hand is tied to my foot, and there is no way to get closer. I want to just let go. To stop dreaming, to stop trying, to forget about this life I apparently don’t possess. I mean I really have no purpose here, no need to be here,

Why the hell should I live a life where all I am going to do, is fight to stay afloat. What is the line of reasoning in struggling to be in this world? I guess there is happiness, but its kind of hard when you are so different (by choice, who wants to be a mannequin) that there is no one similar to you, so its really hard to make friends. I mean real friends here, not just people you have to pretend to be like, so they will accept you. Or that you just don’t think like very one else so its hard to see other individuals reason of their attitudes. Family is a great reason, yet I still feel so alone, even if I do love them more than the detest I have for my life. Or better yet, lack of currency. I know that this has been said lots of times, but people who say money cant buy happiness, have never been down here. And if they have, and now have money and are still not happy, then its their problem with themselves.

I know a certain person who made it up from the bottom, and should know that money makes life comfortable, much more secure. Fixes quite a few problems that would otherwise never be fixed. I will say, if done right, money can make dreams happen. If you say otherwise, then you have surly been given everything.

What’s the point? I have a great way of thinking about my self, it is what I see myself as. it's a great metaphor.
Welcome to my Hormonal Ocean, I have my good waves, great for surfing, and my low days, lets say those suck. So I have alot of ups and downs, but I want to explain, I am a very deep person, my ocean is deep and dark, so for those of you who know waves, can you tell me, how’s my surf?

The Best one Yet!!!

Alex just showed me the coolest thing ever.
This site is so awesome, I mean it is so funny I am sure I wet my self, I just have not stopped laughing yet.
The site has so many things to watch, It is a nice place to laugh your stress away.

The Hottest!!!

I have just a few favorite X-Men, Those being Rogue, Jean Grey , and Emma Frost. I don’t know what it is about the idea of telepathic abilities that fascinates me, I guess I have always Loved the idea of knowing why people do the things they do and feel the why they feel and I guess it would be easier to understand those things if you had telepathic abilities. I love Rogue because she can be any thing she wants to be and she had a thing for Gambit. And she is hot.
Oh, and I have always loved the chic’s.

My Rock is Not So Hard.

Sometimes I wish I could just live under a rock. I mean, what is the point of life, and the purpose to live if your entire life will be to struggle, and work and get no where no matter how hard you try? Some people would then say to me (and have) ‘then you are not trying hard enough’.
I want to know why it is that giving up is a bad thing to do? If the other side is getting no closer, if every step forward is still and always 2 steps back, and the tunnel is getting darker, not lighter, why must we think any thing is going to bloody change.

Yes, I know I am be negative, and maybe this is just a test of self-something or other. And that my people is why I have not yet given up, because I have put this stupid thought in my head that things maybe, might, possibly, optimistically change for the better. I am looking out for the small glimmer of happiness that might just draw closer, close enough to give some hope.
Or I might be found by some one and given all the chances I need on a sliver platter. But wait, I have someone, and I love that one, and my family loves him, and his family loves me, and we can live with love. Right?

I am the type of person who wants to help people. I AM the person who if I have the money I would give it away. Its funny because some people don’t think that way. Like a couple certain family members of mine. I over heard them talking about what they would do and buy if they won the lotto. They were talking about the types of cars they would get, and how much land they would buy around their already large piece of land. Places they would go, casinos they would hit, happiness they would buy.

Since I was part of the space, I happened to reveal the things I might do if I had that kind of Karma. I said I would send my sister to any college she could get into, set my mother up so she could stop working herself to death, pay off her debts and make it so she can go to see her mother any time she wanted, situate my older sister to a point where she can be comfortable, send my favorite teacher a car, set up Alex’s mother and sister. I would send a money gift to my cousin so he could have the wedding of their dreams. I would send my younger cousin a thousand earrings so she if she loses a single earrings, she will have plenty more. I would pay off my families obligations to the rest of the family so that we will never feel like the low end of the tree.

Oh and I might get to go to school, have a real bed, a couch to sit on own a car that runs all the time and doesn’t leak.

Yea, they then said they would be sure to set up trust funds for all the nieces and nephews. What ever!


If there is one thing the people in that tree are dense about is that the just-world hypothesis is mostly a crock of $#!). My loved ones do not deserve the life-style they have to live in, they did nothing wrong. Why is it that the bad people acquire the more comfortable lives, and the good people have to fight to live healthy. I would love to pile every thing on the real bad person, but a some-what similar thing happened to him.

So it all boils down to the fact that I have anger issues, and a bad temper, I want justice and fairness. And some anti-depressants. Oh wait, I Hate drugs, good thing I can be my own shrink. Which in that case means I still want to live under a rock.

Grandma’s charity for one.

I know I should not be bitter, or even let myself think down this path, but it is a remorseless thought. What my grandmother gave to one, could have been five or more to another. Its like giving one poor (although not poor in my case) person a $50,000 car, when that could have been five $12,500 cars. I do not think people without cars will be picky or selective.
My grandmother has now gotten to the point that she has forgotten she promised my older sister the funds to go to college. So my sister put the tuition on her card. Those funds never came, my sister had to leave school, and pay off a part of a degree she will never have. This information is something few people know. The only reason why I am spilling this secret be cause I am fuming. I know by saying this it may hurt a person I don’t want to hurt. I am sorry, but I cant and wont help that.
Why do I now tell this, when it happened years ago? Because a similar case could have transpired. I am upset because it will be me paying for my younger sister to go to college. Lets hope that the brains she possesses will get her something to help. Before I can do that, I have to be in a place to make that kind of money. My younger sister is intelligent, and so no community college will sustain her.
So this year I will work on my anger, and get myself through college, at least the career I chose is willing to pay my way. I just have to pay for the prerequisites first. Oh yea, the government does help me because I need it that bad.

I feel better.
Blessed Be

It Has Been A Month

Wow a whole month has gone by. I have missed my blog. I am now back.
I will being doing all sorts of things, trying new ideas, and putting it all here.
Wish me luck, or not beacuse I dont really need it to much. Not on everything, just
some things.
I want to be a happy person this year. So I will be releasing my negative Chi.
But wait, I am not unleasing it, I will be putting it into objects and then cleansing
them.
I am excited.
Blessed Be

My Sister is Coming for the Winter

My Sister will be coming up for the season time, I am so excited, she will have Bastain with her. Auntie put out the money for the tickets, and mom got the job of setting them up. Chelsea will be here or a little under a month, which we are all happy about. She will get to stay up here in Louisville with Mom, Jessica, and I when she will have to go down to Elizabethtown where Auntie lives (which is like 2 hours away).

I was hoping she would be here in time from Yule with Alex’s family, in a way she will be here on the day (well night really) that we are all celebrating Winter Solstice. We will be picking Chelsea up before the night is over but after we leave the family’s place. I cant tell any one really how excited I am so get to see Chelsea, I do miss being around her, her witty remarks, her air of know-all, her little laught that only she knows how to make, the smell of her ( although she by now smell different being as she has a baby with its only smell and so I am sure the two smell has merged). Oh yea my memory works better by smell, and I relate things by smell.

Brit will be coming too, he wont get to stay as long, but it will be nice to get him up here to see Louisville, we want Chelsea and Company to move up here. Good luck to us then.

For more info on Yule see next blog.

Last Class

Its that last day of classes, The snow is finally coming down and I am on the upper part of my polar wave. I got my grade for my psychology class, and I got an A. Yea, Baby!
Lets see how I do next semester.

Lauren is Having a Baby

My Best friend Lauren (from 8 years ago) is having a baby. She already has a beautiful little boy, who is looking more and more stunning very picture I get. I have not seen her for almost 7 years. She lives only 778 miles from me, that’s only a 12 hour trip. Yet its just to far, I would love to go see her, I don’t see how though.


I miss her so much, I have to say Lauren was the one and only best friend whom I ever got on with. Sure we had our times, but she was the only person in that world (other than my blood) that I loved more than myself. I have so many happy memories. I know she has long since moved on, and I am not considered her best friend any more, that I miss more than any thing.

I will say that It was suppose to be me having the first kids, but I am very glad she is happy

T.V. Series : Nip/Tuck

This is the weirdest show I have ever watched. And yet it has something that I just cant get over. I mean I love the gory parts, I love the sex, I love the Idea. It IS a soap, yet one that I find I can watch. They are on to the third season, so there is something to watch if starting out.

My Cat Likes to Eat Roses and My Dog Loves Carrots

So Alex brought me some roses, very pretty, smelled wonderful. I put them in a vase and enjoy them a bit. I then give Alex a very nice thank you, which takes quite a bit of time. When I come back to the kitchen I find the vase on its side, water every where, and no roses. At first I think We happened to knock them over with out noticing while…but then I see some leaves on the floor. I look closer, because they really don’t look like leaves if you get real close, they are green bits of plant life to be sure. It occured to me that the cats might have knocked the roses over, and dragged the roses away? Oh those poor roses, to suffer the same fate as these unfortunately mangled leaves.
I look and find a couple crimson puddles by the window. That is all I recover. Well at least I got to cherish them for a few moments. Maybe now the cats poo will smell like roses.
As for my dog, well she has this thing for baby carrots. She loves them, they are like the greatest treats in her world. She gets one and shreds it, there are little pieces of orange things all over the floor. She will then run around in circles eating it, starting on the outer most pieces and working her way in. she does the same thing with her dog food if you scatter it on the floor. Now don’t get funny by the idea, I don’t feed my dog off the floor, its just a game she and I do and she loves it.

My Birth Place

I miss the beaches.
I miss the friends.
I miss the good food.
I miss the salty air.
I miss China Town.
I miss the colours.
I miss the waves.
I miss the ‘toilet bowl’.
I miss the feeling the being there.
I miss the rain.
I miss the green mountains.
I miss the flowers.

I really miss the smell of the island, my home.

But I will tell you I do not miss the people, or the prices, or the schools I went to. I don’t miss how I was treated.
Would I ever want to live there again. No, never. There are other places with their own beauty. I will only go back there once more in my life, and that will be for my grandmother bereavement.

Boggled Mind

My 910am class has been canceled. So I came over to the library to check out the classes for next semester. I really think I need some help with them, I can’t understand the gibberish they have.

I was really looking forward to this class. At least it is raining out side. It’s a nice rain too, very soft and clean. Smells like my heaven.

I need to go see an advisor, think I will go do that.

My mind can’t seem to stay on one thing today. That’s okay, because it’s raining.

A Vest

I am on the hunt of a good vest this year. I have finally gotten to the point where I can spend money on things that are not 98% necessary. So I am looking for something simple, a solid colour. I always thought it would be fun to wear a vest. So if any one knows a good vest any where, let me know.

Alex, The Position of Grill Master

So in the kitchen Alex works there is this position, and that position is Grill Chef. I want to say that this is not an easy position, and the last two people who worked this position could not keep up with the pressure or just could not get the meat to right temp.

Well, Alex is there now, and he rocks that position. The sales have gone up, and the members are happier, much happier. So much they gave Alex another dollar raise, He is making the most here he has ever made. All that and he is happy there, he loves his job, and he has fun.