Our Two Year Anniversary

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Sunday, January 22, 2006

My Rock is Not So Hard.

Sometimes I wish I could just live under a rock. I mean, what is the point of life, and the purpose to live if your entire life will be to struggle, and work and get no where no matter how hard you try? Some people would then say to me (and have) ‘then you are not trying hard enough’.
I want to know why it is that giving up is a bad thing to do? If the other side is getting no closer, if every step forward is still and always 2 steps back, and the tunnel is getting darker, not lighter, why must we think any thing is going to bloody change.

Yes, I know I am be negative, and maybe this is just a test of self-something or other. And that my people is why I have not yet given up, because I have put this stupid thought in my head that things maybe, might, possibly, optimistically change for the better. I am looking out for the small glimmer of happiness that might just draw closer, close enough to give some hope.
Or I might be found by some one and given all the chances I need on a sliver platter. But wait, I have someone, and I love that one, and my family loves him, and his family loves me, and we can live with love. Right?

I am the type of person who wants to help people. I AM the person who if I have the money I would give it away. Its funny because some people don’t think that way. Like a couple certain family members of mine. I over heard them talking about what they would do and buy if they won the lotto. They were talking about the types of cars they would get, and how much land they would buy around their already large piece of land. Places they would go, casinos they would hit, happiness they would buy.

Since I was part of the space, I happened to reveal the things I might do if I had that kind of Karma. I said I would send my sister to any college she could get into, set my mother up so she could stop working herself to death, pay off her debts and make it so she can go to see her mother any time she wanted, situate my older sister to a point where she can be comfortable, send my favorite teacher a car, set up Alex’s mother and sister. I would send a money gift to my cousin so he could have the wedding of their dreams. I would send my younger cousin a thousand earrings so she if she loses a single earrings, she will have plenty more. I would pay off my families obligations to the rest of the family so that we will never feel like the low end of the tree.

Oh and I might get to go to school, have a real bed, a couch to sit on own a car that runs all the time and doesn’t leak.

Yea, they then said they would be sure to set up trust funds for all the nieces and nephews. What ever!

If there is one thing the people in that tree are dense about is that the just-world hypothesis is mostly a crock of $#!). My loved ones do not deserve the life-style they have to live in, they did nothing wrong. Why is it that the bad people acquire the more comfortable lives, and the good people have to fight to live healthy. I would love to pile every thing on the real bad person, but a some-what similar thing happened to him.

So it all boils down to the fact that I have anger issues, and a bad temper, I want justice and fairness. And some anti-depressants. Oh wait, I Hate drugs, good thing I can be my own shrink. Which in that case means I still want to live under a rock.

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