I am going to cut the sugar dependency. I cant stand it any more. I don’t want to crave any thing ever again. This is not who I am, I am a strong person, I can handle it.
As a joke I was thinking about substitution one addiction for another, so I thought it would be amusing to start smoking. But I just can't see myself doing such a disgusting thing. I mean being overweight is pretty repellent, but what hurts/kills more, smells or sight, your lungs or your heart? So I am thinking, maybe over working, or running myself silly. I could just stop eating all together.
I AM Joking people.
If you have never been addicted to something then you can never understand. And if you want to say that sugar is not an addiction then you have never been addicted to any thing.
I want to blame all my problems on sugar. It has made me depressed and angry. And yet I find that I just don’t want to live without it. I feel so alone with this problem, and yet over a third of america has this problem. (correct me if I am wrong there)
All I can think of most of the time is when can I gush over to my favorite ice cream place for a $1.43 cone that tastes like I am eating creamy white heaven.
I have to stop this thing. I cant be who I want to be like this. I have to change.
Change is a good thing. I will embrace it, it will strengthen me.
So be it. Blessed Be.
Our Two Year Anniversary
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
Sunday, March 26, 2006
Holy Cow Gonzo!!!
I just saw the scariest, crazies, funniest thing in my whole life. I was going a google search and I came up with the idea of looking up “why are the Christians crazy”. I got to page 6 and
found This. I don’t know if I should have stopped at page 5 because now I think I might have nightmares. Holy Cow.
Pun intended.
I had to watch it a few times just to see if this was really real. I am really blown away, I don’t know what to say, please let me know what you think.
I guess all I can say right now is. WOW.
found This. I don’t know if I should have stopped at page 5 because now I think I might have nightmares. Holy Cow.
Pun intended.
I had to watch it a few times just to see if this was really real. I am really blown away, I don’t know what to say, please let me know what you think.
I guess all I can say right now is. WOW.
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
Purple Balloons
I want a whole bunch of purple balloons. I want to put all my dreams in the purple balloons and let them fly away because that’s how I feel about my dreams. That if I ever let them go, they will go far away. But I just want to give them up. Because I know that no matter how hard to try to touch them, they will always be out of my reach. It’s like they are tied to the back of my wrist, and my other hand is tied to my foot, and there is no way to get closer. I want to just let go. To stop dreaming, to stop trying, to forget about this life I apparently don’t possess. I mean I really have no purpose here, no need to be here,
Why the hell should I live a life where all I am going to do, is fight to stay afloat. What is the line of reasoning in struggling to be in this world? I guess there is happiness, but its kind of hard when you are so different (by choice, who wants to be a mannequin) that there is no one similar to you, so its really hard to make friends. I mean real friends here, not just people you have to pretend to be like, so they will accept you. Or that you just don’t think like very one else so its hard to see other individuals reason of their attitudes. Family is a great reason, yet I still feel so alone, even if I do love them more than the detest I have for my life. Or better yet, lack of currency. I know that this has been said lots of times, but people who say money cant buy happiness, have never been down here. And if they have, and now have money and are still not happy, then its their problem with themselves.
I know a certain person who made it up from the bottom, and should know that money makes life comfortable, much more secure. Fixes quite a few problems that would otherwise never be fixed. I will say, if done right, money can make dreams happen. If you say otherwise, then you have surly been given everything.
What’s the point? I have a great way of thinking about my self, it is what I see myself as. it's a great metaphor.
Welcome to my Hormonal Ocean, I have my good waves, great for surfing, and my low days, lets say those suck. So I have alot of ups and downs, but I want to explain, I am a very deep person, my ocean is deep and dark, so for those of you who know waves, can you tell me, how’s my surf?
Why the hell should I live a life where all I am going to do, is fight to stay afloat. What is the line of reasoning in struggling to be in this world? I guess there is happiness, but its kind of hard when you are so different (by choice, who wants to be a mannequin) that there is no one similar to you, so its really hard to make friends. I mean real friends here, not just people you have to pretend to be like, so they will accept you. Or that you just don’t think like very one else so its hard to see other individuals reason of their attitudes. Family is a great reason, yet I still feel so alone, even if I do love them more than the detest I have for my life. Or better yet, lack of currency. I know that this has been said lots of times, but people who say money cant buy happiness, have never been down here. And if they have, and now have money and are still not happy, then its their problem with themselves.
I know a certain person who made it up from the bottom, and should know that money makes life comfortable, much more secure. Fixes quite a few problems that would otherwise never be fixed. I will say, if done right, money can make dreams happen. If you say otherwise, then you have surly been given everything.
What’s the point? I have a great way of thinking about my self, it is what I see myself as. it's a great metaphor.
Welcome to my Hormonal Ocean, I have my good waves, great for surfing, and my low days, lets say those suck. So I have alot of ups and downs, but I want to explain, I am a very deep person, my ocean is deep and dark, so for those of you who know waves, can you tell me, how’s my surf?
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