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Thursday, June 09, 2005

Little Miss Domineering

If there is one person in this whole world that drives me more crazy than any one, it’s my little sister. She is an absolute brat. There are no other words to best describe her. She is so bossy you just want to quit the job. I like to think of her as little Miss Domineering. She MUST have things done her way or she will throw a “fit”. In fit I mean she will sulk, pout, insult you, ignore you, be in a huff feel sorry for herself and my most favorite, she will always speak down to you like you are some piece of slime on the end of her stick. You would think she were an insensitive redhead, but no she is a snotty blond.
I can’t say she has learned all this by her self, no I Am her older sister so there I am accountable. Like most younger siblings they always watch and learn from their older siblings. My sister has taking quite a lot of my opinions, thoughts and ideas and put them to impish use. I love my sister, so I will always feel the need to protect her.
She is not like me in the sense of defense, she would prefer to ignore where I love to, “lash-out.” I will always believe that standing up for your self keeps you durable, plucky, tough, assertive, bold. To defy those who wish to beat you down, is a way to acquire a personal rage to keep moving upward.
I am guilty of letting my younger sister think she is better than me to raise her self-worth. I am also guilty of teaching her how to make a person feel less than worthy. I am very guilty of thinking she were old enough to understand how life works and how people feel and think. She does not understand that as special as her family thinks she is, she is only a child who wants to grow up in a world she has no idea about. My sister is very sheltered, and she has no discipline at all. She was never obedient or reprimanded. This again is partly my fault. I say partly because I can not be blamed for the choices of others.
When I turned 13 years old, my family has just left a very abusive father and as I have said before I am more likely to lash-out than to be submissive. My father is like that too, he was also a very angry man and I was a very angry child.
Mix that anger with moving, add being different, in a non-white school system, then throw in a lot of hormones and you will get a very wild little thing. My teen years were so intense, tough, challenging, and raw with feelings I wonder how my mother didn’t kill me. My mother never punished me like she should have. I guess she thought I was so out of control that I was unable to be restrained. I don’t think she had the heart to after what my fathers punishments used to be. Because she never punished me, why should she punish my sister, it wouldn’t be fair. But, I wonder at how she can be my sisters puppet. To play her games and really believe my sister is faultless. I know the last born is always the mommies favorite, and can do no wrong. I just have to keep telling myself that when my sister is so awful to me and I think my mother has to have seen it, but doesn’t, that it’s the baby film over her eyes and that she still loves me.
My sister and I have this question, “what’s worse, living without a father or living with a father who hurts you and your family?”
I want my sister to grow out of this phase, I can’t tolerated it much longer. I want her to get a reality slap so hard that she can then see that she’s not the sun, but a bit of floating space rock.

1 comment:

Thomas J. Brown said...

Perhaps none of us will ever be old enough to understand how life works.