Simple

Sometimes I wish I knew what it was to not want for any thing real or necessary. And I don’t just mean simple material things, like non-crap food, decent clothing, a decent place to live, and books. I mean things that can fulfill my mind and soul. In my world I have wanted a friend. I have never had a good friend as a child; that was a non-material thing I have wanted for. It took me 25 years to make a small group of good friends, and still I am scared of losing those people. When I was young I could never understand why I was such an awful person to be friends with. Was I too pushy, or rude, or did I do things that bothered people? Did they tell me, would I have known if they had? My mum once said that I was just too passionate for people, thus I clung to that like a glass buoy in the ocean where I lived in my mind. That is the picture I see when I think of other people, of the social world, worlds like school and work, and the neighborhoods and public places. Places where people could look at me.


When I dream, I don’t dream of lots of possessions, I dream of a cozy simple life. I dream of not having to worry about being able to give my children the things they need to feel safe and simply happy with them selves. I guess I can believe if I am a good enough mother they will not want for their needs. But how many people honestly have ever had to live a life (or even think of it) wishing for the simple things. How many adults have so much, and have never been scared or been with out? Can those people truly understand wanting as a child. I look at grown up children, who were and are still spoiled, and wonder how much they are missing when they take their lives for granted. When they followed the path given to them, and they think it is hard. Try following a path that is not even there, where no one gives you any thing. There is no path to follow, there is no true direction to go. Try making your own way in a world that holds you back at every milestone. Like swimming up river. Where you dare not dream of the simple things or you will be deeply disappointed.

What if you lived that life where you have been poor all your life, but you were told it was okay to hope, it is a good thing to dream. So you make these big beautiful dreams, and they are grand, and it could happen. What happens when your whole family, your whole support group tells you they are too big, or grand, what do you do? Do you keep going, working hard to meet your stars? If you make it, do you scoff at those who told you it could never happen? If you fail, do you blame your lack of support? What if those people who told you to come back down to earth were people who crashed at their own dreams? Do you scoff at them then because they did not make it and were forced to live in reality?

What if, they started out so low and the dreams they had where simple, and they got most of them, but you could not understand how any one would dream of such simple easy things? What if for them reality is a safer place.

I just want to be happy. I just want to be content. I want to live with out fear. Is it so much to be humble and live a modest life? I just want the simple things.

p.s.

I do have my secret dreams. The ones I tell no one, they are my wild dreams, because I could never wish to catch them.

A Good Reason

I have been neglecting this blog, but I have a rather good reason. I am creating and writing in another blog. But this is a special and important blog. It’s for the bun in my oven, but she (yes, it is a she) is more special than that. She is my Cinnabun.


I am wondering if I should try to keep this blog up as I keep with that one. I have thought perhaps once I have accomplished the finishing touches on The Fox Cub, I can just focus on writing. Maybe one day I will join them, or not. I am thinking I want to keep that blog for when she is born, and so on.

New Site~ Karma Tank

Just found something I can look at that will make me happy any time I need. This really marvelous couple, who makes wool bears, and writes delightful pieces. Who lives not in America, and has a magnanimous sense of humor.

I think I am in love with these little bears.

How wonder and sweet they are.

Rules to Blog

Okay so I understand there are rules that go with blogging. And I get that a good blogger follow these rules. But…it’s my life and I will do as I want.
So yes, I have posted things today with a different date. These things were writing at these times, I just did not post them then. I know it’s still wrong. So please forgive me.
Sincerely,
K

p.s.

Does any one know where I can find these rules written?

A Party

I am having a party tonight. I don’t know how I got myself into this idea. I can’t stop stressing out and get all anxious. Why do I think I can throw a party? AHHHH.

Today is just Another day. But an Auspicious one at that.

Today is Tuesday. Today is a pretty day so far. Today will be a busy day. I have a doctors appointment at 1030a. I have not gotten any sleep yet, maybe later. I am going to a play later this afternoon. And my car needs new tires, today. Maybe they can fix the brake Alex could not get after an hour of trying. He got the others, but this one just won’t budge. Who ever did the brakes last sucks, although VW’s do not make things easy.

Now I really don’t want to say it but it is an even year (and even numbers are my favorite) today also happens to be the day I celebrate my first day with my Mother. It was a whole 26 years ago she and I became an item.

Moving on, the moon will be full tonight, a very Auspicious sign if I do say so myself. I don’t know the next time the moon will be full on my birthday.

Did anyone else do anything fun today?

Happy Times!

Snow Bite

Recall: 2008

One year ago today my area got a foot of snow or more, and as usual the city was not ready. The roads were so bad, not even the main interstate was cleared. Granted it was a freak storm, but it was not the first bad snow of the season. Ended up

Now I work at UPS at night. I could have called and said no way to me driving there in my Jetta, but that would have been to easy for my life. I did not at the time know I could call in a vacation day and take the night off (not that I could have gotten it any ways as over half our wing called in), and I was all up in free call-ins. If I had called in I would have gotten in big trouble. Don’t get me wrong I am not a bad employee, it’s just easy to add up call-ins. I guess I could have called in any ways and then fought it with my union.

The thing is I decided to risk it and go into work that night. So I left extra early because I knew I would be driving real slow. I swear I was only going 20mph or less when I spun out the first time. That was scary, and no cars where around. The second time I spun 270° ended up facing the medium with a bunch of cars coming and a semi heading right at my door. To top it all off it was a Fed Ex truck, I some how saw that while my life did not flash before me. I actually thought I was going to wet myself and if the semi didn’t kill me I was going to electrocute myself though peeing on the heated seats, if that is even possible.?.

Okay back the story. So I am sitting there watching this semi head right at my door, I know I could not get my car to get out of the way fast enough, and if I moved I would head right into a lot of other cars. I really thought I was going to die. Then this driver gets his truck to move in a way I don’t even think is possible on a road without a foot of snow. And then the next second he is missing me, and then passing me. HOLY UNDERWEAR…I am not going to get hit. Then right as the last of him is passing the last of me, I hear a crunch and a slight jolt. All I took away from that was a busted tail light and bumper. I was told it would be a good idea to call Fed Ex and make them claim the damage, but I did not really think the diver was in the wrong. It was me who lost control, and the dude saved my life with his awesome driving.

So, a little over $500 damage is enough for my life